In a move that many have labeled as “stunning”, Cristiano Ronaldo agreed to terms for leaving the Italian club Juventus and rejoining the squad that made him famous under Sir Alexander Ferguson, Manchester United. Ronaldo’s time in Juventus will be marked as a failure, despite what Juventus coach Massimiliano Allegri might say. Though Ronaldo won two Serie A titles with Juve, they never made it past the quarterfinals of the Champions League, falling to Ajax, Lyon, and Porto. Some have compared Ronaldo’s return to Manchester to Michael Jordan returning to Chicago. If Ronaldo is so certainly MJ, then where does that leave Lionel Messi? At an impossibly expensive hotel in Paris, apparently.
The Messi saga with Barcelona finally came to an end this summer, at least for the time being. After years of disputes with ownership, saying that he wanted to go and then that he didn’t, Messi finally did leave his club of twenty-one years in Barcelona for Paris, France. There he joined Neymar, Mbappe, Angel di Maria, Pochettino, and a Champions League-or-Bust Paris Saint-Germain squad. Messi left Barca after La Liga-set financial restrictions prevented Las Blaugranas from resigning their superstar due to a pandemic-driven reduction in revenues. (In a way, it's fair to say that COVID-19 is the reason Messi left Barcelona.) It was a shocking turn of events, a seismic shift in the European football landscape. For a month the center of power moved, seemingly irrevocably, to Paris. But with Ronaldo’s return to the Reds, Manchester appears to be the city most likely to dominate Europe this season. Whether it’s Guardiola's City or Ole Gunnar Solskjær's United who dominates is yet to be told.
This season’s Machester Derbies should be better than ever.
Man U is fielding a powerhouse squad, with young talent like Jadon Sancho playing alongside seasoned Portugueses like Bruno and Ronaldo. DeGea has been slipping in the past few seasons, but the Red Devil’s offense should be able to keep up with anyone. Man U will have much to keep up with domestically from Manchester City, Chelsea, and Tottenham. All four squads look top-notch, most with five to six starters on their benches. The Premier League, much like Messi's old league La Liga, is up in the air this season, with four or five clubs vying for number one. La Liga will see battle royales between a Barcelona team with something to prove, a resilient Real Madrid squad, a ready-to-repeat Atletico Madrid, and a Champions League-bound Sevilla. As for PSG in Ligue 1, well... let’s just say that it’s theirs to lose. There’s no real reason that PSG shouldn’t go undefeated in France for the next two years, or at least until Messi retires to Inter Miami CF. Mbappe will certainly be heading towards Madrid next season, possibly even sooner. There he will likely be joined by Borussia’s Golden God, Erling Haaland, who has outgrown the Bundesliga. But even when PSG loses Mbappe, they've already gained a Messi. That's what really counts.
Messi signed with PSG on 10 August 2021. He signed a two-year, roughly $84 million deal with a $30 million signing bonus, incentives worth up to $75 million per season, and an option to extend a third year. Ronaldo signed a two-year deal with Manchester United on 27 August 2021. Manchester United is buying out Ronaldo's contract from Juventus at approximately $20 million per season. Ronaldo is reportedly set to make roughly $34 million a season, plus incentives. He is the English Premier League’s highest-earning player ever, replacing his now teammate, French center-back Raphael Varane, for the top spot. Varane agreed to a $32 million per year deal earlier this year with Man U. A.S. Roma head coach Jose Mourinho called the move “perfect business”, a term he did not reserve for his own tenure with the club.
One thing is for certain - Pep Guardiola must be kicking himself after City whiffed on Ronaldo, Messi, and Kane, all in the same transfer window.
Wah! Wah! Nope, that's not the sound of sirens roaring, coming to get you because you paid your taxes wrong again! That's the sound of a baby when it cries. Babies may communicate by crying, but they don't worry about taxes, either!
There's a lot of things babies do that we don't, and that's a tragedy. Babies have it made! They don't worry about a goddamn thing, except, of course, for where their next meal might be coming from. We could all benefit from this simple mindset that babies employ to stay relaxed every single day of the year. Here are the top 10 Things that Babies Do Every Single Day That You Should Do, Too.
1. Take A Nap
Babies be sleeping, yo! You should, too. It's a great way to melt the stress away midday, babay. Studies show that taking naps may increase sleep, dreaming, and rest.
2. Rest In Child's Pose
Babies are little yoga masters! The Child's Pose, named after St. Childs of Germania, is a great way to melt the stress away. Babies do it all the time and reportedly have very little tax-related stress. Coincidence? I think not.
3. Make Someone Smile
Being a baby isn't all selfish, yo! Studies show, again and again, that making someone else happy releases endorphins that help melt the stress away. Babies make people smile all the time, and look how happy they are! If you can't do it for other people, do it for yourself.
4. Cry When You Want Something
Wah! Wah! Like I said at the top, Babies Be Crying. But just because you're a big girl don't mean you can't cry, Fergie! Babies cry when they want something because they haven't figured out the right words to express themselves. Don't we all know how that feels? Four out of five doctors agree that ugly crying like a confused baby really helps melt the stress away.
5. Taste That Object You're Curious About
I don't mean this figuratively, baby! What does a baby do when it's curious about a mysterious shape it's never seen before? It Puts It In Its Mouth! Literally! You should try it, too. Getting a mouthfeel for whatever you are curious about is a great way to learn about it and melt the stress away.
6. Eat Soft Foods
And speaking of putting things in mouths... have you ever tried Gerber?! You probably liked it as a baby, but you'll love it as an adult! Soft food is easier to digest and easier to get than hard food. Babies eat soft food all the time and almost never have any stress to melt away.
7. Stare At A Stranger
Babies Be Starin', yo! Have you ever found yourself on a bus, just looking around, only to find some soft-skulled booger bag staring back at you, wide-eyed like it's shocked to see you, too? That's because babies stare at things they're curious about! That little sucker would put you in its mouth if it could. Staring at strangers melts stress off yourself and transfers it to whomever you're staring at.
8. Sleep In A Cage
This one's obvi, baby. The benefits of sleeping in a cage are clear. Waking up in your maximum security cell is the number one way to prepare for future tax fraud incarceration while also melting the stress away.
9. Poop Your Pants
P.U.! What stinks?? I know one thing's for sure - it's not stress. Pooping your pants is zen-level nirvana shit, very difficult to do in public places. And yet, babies do it all the time. Try cutting one off in your shorts. What's that running down your inner thigh? It's your stress melting away.
The number one reason babies live a stress-free life? They eat titty food, baby! Studies and doctors show, again and again, that sucking on titties all day is an incredible way to melt the stress away, even if it's from your own mother. I don't makes the rules; I just reports 'em.
There you have it, The Top 10 Things Babies Do Everyday That You Should, Too. What'd you think of our list? Did we get it right? Does this list make you want to change your diaper? Let us know what you think in the comments below, and be sure to like and subscribe!